Flushing it Down the Super Bowl

I would like to put a stop to something before it gets out to the public tomorrow, but I'm afraid it's already too late.

It seems Procter & Gamble have approved (for upwards of $2.3 million dollars) a toilet tissue commercial slated to be aired tomorrow, whose tagline is as follows:

Softer and Stronger for Your End Zone.

No.

Absolutely not.

Crude, disgusting, and inappropriate for a supposedly TV-G audience of hundreds of millions. Not to mention the flagrant misuse of regulatory football terminology.

There's a reason P&G has stayed out of the Super Bowl advertising clientèle: their products simply are not worthy of contending with the rest of the playing field. They are too commonplace and impossible to appropriately glorify on the order of magnitude requisite of Super Bowl sponsors.

If anyone at CBS sees this before the commercial airs, I implore you to think twice about hitting play on this travesty of a spot. This very action could ruin the marketability of airtime during the Super Bowl. Viewers have already grown weary of professional football, so the only attraction left for this television event are the commercials.

By airing a toilet tissue commercial during this time, you are effectively ending the glitz, glamour, and watchability of Super Bowl advertisements, so you've got to ask yourself one question before you roll tape:

Is it worth it?

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