Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah

The holiday season is upon us once more. The one where all sorts of religious and ethnic groups take it upon themselves to find even the most minute resemblance of multicultural insensitivity and transform it into hate crimes that rival the Holocaust.

Basically telling all public venues that if they are to celebrate the holiday season with decoration or event, they must do so with an effort to either represent all holidays and religions equally, or represent nothing at all.

That's an awfully selfish demand, though. Why is your holiday more important than any of the others?

Simple. It's not.

Let's take the largest, and by far the most widely celebrated holiday as an example: Christmas. Christians yell and scream about the real meaning of Christmas until their eyes bug out of their heads, and the Bible they've been thumping has worn through cover-to-cover. But somehow, Santa's still around to deliver more presents.

This has opened Christmas up to millions of others who could care less about celebrating the Messiah's birth, even though they're all technically celebrating it, if even on a subconscious level. If Atheists and Agnostics can celebrate Christmas, why are the other December-holiday-celebrants so up-in-arms?

The Jews have Hanukkah. Sure, it's much less popular, but it does have its perks. It lasts for a whole week and you get to eat a ton of fried food. How's that for holiday cheer? Granted, the gifts are crappy, but it's a celebration of God working a miracle by extending the burning of sacred oil in a besieged temple from a single night to eight evenings. That's something I think all of us in a post-9/11 society can get behind.

And while you've got your menorah out, you might as well partake in some Kwanzaa fun, too: a celebration of Family, Community, and Culture. It helps if you're African or African-American, but the seven values, Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity, and Faith, taught by this celebration are universal and should be practiced by all.

Don't forget Boxing Day on the first day of Kwanzaa, either. On this, St. Stephen's day, you simply give charitable gifts to the less fortunate. A fine gesture of benevolence after such a bountiful celebration as Christmas.

I for one, from this day forward, will exuberantly celebrate every festive holiday this season has to offer. It has given me a broader sense of placement in the cultural stew that is our globe, and I think I can understand just a little bit better where my multi-cultural brothers are coming from.

Plus, I've already bagged a pair of socks, a 10-pack of CD jewel cases, a 3-qt translucent blue Tupperware bowl, a reversible Spongebob Squarepants watch, a soap-on-a-rope, and a 12-pack of Tab cola, and there's still 2 more nights of Hanukkah left.

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