Dogs

Here's how I feel about dogs:

I don't like them.

Here's how dogs feel about me:

Dogs love me.

When a person who likes dogs (sometimes misleadingly referred to as a dog-person) finds out my feelings toward Canus Vulgaris, they are astonished; downright flabbergasted that I don't share their sentiment. I feel the same way about their inability to keep malware off their PCs.

“You don't like dogs?! Why not?!”

Do I really have to explain myself here? I'm not shocked and awed that you like dogs. Well, for starters, I'm not a huge fan of anything that can't control its bowels.

“But they're so cute!”

Which part? The part where they don't wear pants and their genitals are flapping in the wind? Or the part that can't keep the tongue from licking everything in a 12' radius? Or the part that humps anything in a 12' radius?

“Look at this face. How can you not love this face?”

It's a dog. All dogs look the same to me. There no intelligence there. I can't have a stimulating conversation with that face. And I'm starting to realise you're not in that category either.

I guess I'm missing that part of the average human's DNA that makes them long for companionship in a non-human mate. I'm okay with that.

I prefer to come home to a territory that hasn't been marked by pet urine.

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