Earth Day

Okay, people. It's getting out of control.

We had Al Gore yammering on and on for years about the "environment" and everyone thought he was a goofy alarmist.

Then the success of You Tube and his emmy for inventing the internet convinced him he could learn powerpoint and make a movie.

After that, he made Hollywood feel bad and guilted them into giving him an Academy Award.

And because he won an Academy Award for an eco-alarmist powerpoint presentation, clearly he deserved a Nobel Prize.

In reaction to this chain of events, "Going Green" is more in vogue than ever. The vast majority of people out there don't even really know what that means, but they've heard buzzwords like "hybrid" and "compact fluorescent" and have decided that an expensive lifestyle change is just what the former vice-present ordered.

Hybrid cars have been around for a few years, but the treehugger's postercar from Toyota somehow outsold previous attempts by an overwhelming margin. Where did Honda go wrong? By not selling all of their produced Insights to Hollywood-types. No one is more ignorant and somehow more influential than these people. Just ask David Miscavige.

Just hand them the keys and tell them it's an environmentalist's vehicle and your job is done. Nice work, Toyota. Now your ugly design is all over my fiction-based television serials.

Their best move in this whole scheme was to hype up its environmental value before the actual science was able to weigh in. Yes, you get better fuel economy. But the hybrid technology you're employing is quite a bit more costly than the normal gas-powered equipment under the hood of your old car. You'll make that back in gas savings over the next few years though. We promise.

But what about the damage to sacred mother earth prior to delivery? I guess the ignorant movie stars didn't need to be bothered by those icky details. It involves big words like "Nickel", "Smelting", and "Ontario".

Turns out, not only is it kinder for the environment to drive an H2 Hummer around town, it's a lot cheaper, too. Ahh, green irony!

The latest fad seems to be these compact fluorescent lightbulbs that GE and others are trying to get you to replace your incandescents with.

They use less energy, sure. But that's because they produce less light. The same effect can be achieved with a 60-watt bulb where you really need 100 watts.

Oh yeah, and there's HAZARDOUS MATERIALS in that fluorescent tube. So you have to call a hazmat unit in when it finally burns out. Where's the cost savings? Have we forgotten that time=money?

The real inconvenient truth is, the environment isn't going to be fixed. Ever. There are far too many people on this earth that either don't care or can't afford to be green. And it turns out, we really haven't figured out a way to do it. Cleaning things up on on end of the consumer chain is just going to make it messier on the other end.

Environmentalists can make as many alarmist powerpoint presentations as they want. There seems to be a big economy in making people feel bad. But their brainwashing tactics aren't working on me.

So happy Earth Day people.

Celebrating by acting green won't really do anything, so just eat some cake.

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