I'm Gettin' Karma for Christmas

It's amazing what maintaining this website does to my karma.

Like the time I complained about having a filthy car and totaled it that same week.

Or when I vented about going on job interviews, and got an offer from a place I hadn't even considered days afterward.

It happened again. Well, two things happened again: I ranted about something and I got to tackle the subject all over again, and I was put in charge of making the holidays festive in a commercial marketplace.

This time wasn't as bad as at unnamed music company. There wasn't any physical labour involved.

The GM asked me, knowing my training as a musician, to create a holiday music mix to play in the dealership. He wanted five 80-minute discs so he could throw them into the CD changer and let 'er rip all day long.

Clearly he hadn't read my last entry on this website. I'm pretty sure he missed the pie chart, too.

Luckily, the weekend before, I had gone music shopping with the folks, and we selected a compilation of Christmas tunes that included some light jazz numbers and some modern instrumental pieces, in addition to a totally sweet DVD of some dude's fireplace. Those two discs came in handy as filler. Six hours and forty minutes is a lot of time to kill.

On top of that, when I was on a lounge music downloading spree way back in Yorkshire, I happened to snag a buttload of Christmas tunes. I felt guilty about it at the time, considering it was May-ish, but I finally got the payoff.

That still wasn't enough music, so I had to stop by the dump to pick up a couple more discs. It was there that my thoughts regarding Christmas albums really rang true.

I didn't bother going to the actual CD department where one would logically search for such merchandise. I simply moseyed over to the checkout row, where there were several kiosks containing seasonal music selections from such renowned artists as...

I grabbed Casey's disc, along with one of the orchestras' albums (does it matter which one?) and made Honda pay for it.

Yes, I felt dirty about it, but it was specially requested by the guy who signs my checks, so I sucked it up. At the very least, it was all instrumental, so the musical embarrassment was kept to a minimum.

I spent the next morning playing DJ. That was actually enjoyable and challenging. Trying to keep different remakes of the same song from appearing on the same disc, Making sure the same artist didn't appear on back-to-back tracks. That's why these programming directors at your favorite holiday radio station get paid the big bucks.

Here's the other thing about working with people who have only the vaguest of musical understanding: the salesmen really liked the mix. It had old-school classics, some soothing instrumental tunes, some high-Renaissance embarrassment, and some tasty swing numbers, without any Streisand Diana Ross, or grandmas getting run over by certain equine creatures along the way.

I should say, they liked it at first. By about today, most everyone has gotten fed up with all this music and just want to get back to Marc Anthony complaining about how lonely he's not.

But for just a fleeting moment, a blink of an eye, I provided a small segment of the population with a Christmas mix that didn't completely suck.

I would never have predicted that I'd be called upon for such a task. Funny how that karma thing works out, isn't it?

Stay tuned next week when I shall discuss enjoying the company of numerous hot babes and winning the tax-free lottery.

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