Mobile Scam

So you want to talk on a mobile phone. $40 per month.

But to use the service, you'll need to buy a $200 phone. We'll cut you a break: you only have to pay $50 for it.

But you can only talk after 9 on weeknights and weekends. And only for 500 minutes. We'll add some more minutes for another $20 a month.

It has a free camera on it as an added bonus.

But if you want to take pictures, it costs an extra $30 per month.

It's also got text-messaging capabilities. It's really convenient.

But those messages aren't included in your $40 plan, so we'll charge a quarter per message. Think of it as a convenience fee.

And it's got customizable polyphonic ringtones. They're a lot of fun, and they're General MIDI compatible. It only costs ten cents per ringtone per month. But personalization is the name of the game, right?

Oh, and it'll also do those really cool real-music ringtones, so your favorite song of this week will play when somebody's calling you.

This way, even though it's probably a really important call regarding the health of your unborn child, you can wait until the first chorus of your song is over before you actually pick up. They're really cool and fun.

So here's the breakdown: We'll give you full-duplex phone conversation for $60 a month, but the considerably lighter-bandwidth text conversations are gonna cost you around $10 extra if you use it with any regularity.

And the somewhat larger-bandwidth, but still-much-less-than-voice-transmission MIDI ringtones are another $1 per month. Photo transmission at 500 kpx (still considerably smaller than the average digitized syllable packet) is another $30. What are we up to now, $101 per month?

Hey, you can upgrade to a videophone for another $50. Surf the mobile web anytime you want for $20 per hour? Receive e-mail alerts from sportsline.com every time your favorite golfer hits a double eagle for a mere 30 cents per message?

We'll just mark all those items on your contract here (which you can't get out of for three years unless you pay us the money you were going to give us anyway over that period of time), and you're good to go with your brand-new Korean made disposable mobile telecommunications device.

Hey, check it out, the phone's got a neato flip-open design like everybody else's phone! Super-sweet.

Oh, and have fun in our non-coverage areas, like on the interstate, your backyard, and inside the grocery store. We're striving to make you, our loyal customer number one.

"MoibleConnect: You can't live without us, and we KNOW it!"

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