Ninja

I have reached the conclusion that there is one sure-fire way to make sure you land that job with the big-name company you've had your eye on since you graduated from college. The answer lies in the résumé below:

Ninja Résumé

You see, there is not a single company out there who would not benefit from having a professional freelance ninja on staff. With all the corporate dishonesty around the marketplace these days, it helps to be able to threaten your opponents with retribution from a ninja to keep their noses out of your confidentiality.

To back up these claims, I refer you to any corporate infrastructure in kung-fu films from the 1970's as well as that of the Shredder's Technodrome.

Companies who have not had ninjas on staff include:

If you don't want your company to follow down the same path as these corporations, I would suggest they staff at least one ninja for every 2500 employees.

If the interviewer accuses you of not being a real ninja, and therefore of lying on your résumé, first ask him if he's ever seen a true ninja in person before, and quickly become indignant that he would compromise the ninja's honor by accusing one of breaking the sacred code. The ninja's proceeding act, according to the code would be to commit ritual suicide to avoid tarnishing his family's name.

This technique should guarantee you a position at the corporation of your choice. However, if the corporation to which you are applying already has a ninja department, you may want to rethink your strategy. If any of the previously employed ninjas take a look at you, they will automatically know that you are not one of them, and will probably rat you out to the higher-ups.

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