How I Spent My Summer Vacation

So, basically, here's how it went down.

I quit my job and moved out of Tulsa on a quest to finally hunt down Osama bin Laden. I knew I could do it because I wasn't directly working with the U.S. government, and could therefore infiltrate al Qaeda without being detected. And my bright red hair and blazing white skin helps me blend in with all the Iranians out there.

I figured, hey, this full time job is really keeping me from locating this bastard. Logically, once I did have him in my custody, I'd be sure to strike a deal with the government that would effectively let me retire at age 24. That's the kind of reward that's at stake when you're hunting the planet's most dangerous enemy.

Plus, I'd obviously write a book about my travels, and what magic technique I used to allow bin Laden's men to let their guard down so quickly. This would debut at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and stay there for 71 months, whose royalties would completely solidify my retiree status.

After that is the obligatory season I'd spend on The Surreal Life, where I would engage in outrageous antics with Former President Gerald Ford, Tiger Woods, Posh Spice, and Michael Richards. I'd probably write a best-selling memoir about that, too.

Then, I'd be taken on as the new permanent center square on Hollywood Squares.

Sounds like fun.

So I quit my job two months ago.

Phase One complete.

Plane tickets to the other side of the planet are kinda pricey these days.

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