United We Sit

It occurred to me last night, as I was walking around Wal-Mart, that these stickers people have been placing on their cars since last September proclaiming that we stand united as a nation hold no meaning whatsoever. I'd seen these bumper stickers all over the road long before last night, but the rack of stickers in the automotive department sparked something in my subconscious.

It's nothing against patriotism, mind you. I'm as gung-ho about the 'States as the next Javanese exchange student. It's the folks who use these stickers as a surrogate for true patriotism that irk me.

That, and folks who use 'irk' in a sentence.

They pick up these stickers at automotive stores and the like, slap it on the back of their primer-coloured '86 F-150 SuperDuty and continue to drive around with that gunrack in the back changing lanes with reckless abandon (and no signal) as if they own every foot of road that passes beneath their 28" tires.

I know everybody on this planet is a hypocrite and that the only people that can point out hypocracy are hypocritical passers-by, but there's a little more arrogance to this flavour of person than just the way he's driving. What has he done to protect the unity of our nation that I haven't thought of yet?

Oh yeah, putting that sticker on his truck. The boys out east are quavering in their combat boots because of that red-white-and-blue sticker on that rusted-out bumper out in the center of Oklahoma.

You know, Oklahoma. The worldwide center of terrorism.

DOMESTIC TERRORISM. It was a couple of guys exactly like this one who decided to take out some random, uselessly unsymbolic building in the metropolitan center of nowhere a few years back.

Unless you are actively involved in this so-called war, we can do without your 3-dollar sticker that allows you to continue sitting in your lazy-boy watching Sportscenter guilt-free because you've supposedly stood your ground against the faceless brown-skinned with US military-grade missile launchers pointed right up your bathtub's drainpipe.

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