Unwrap This!

This Christmas, I'm taking a stand.

For years, I've been doing what everyone else has been doing. When you exchange gifts, you're supposed to wrap them. And enclose a card.

Lucky for me, the card has all but fallen from favor. But I'd still rather buy thick paper with some crap some chick painted with words written by a guy who probably hates his job and wants to end the day by sucking on the business end of a loaded pistol than be tasked with encasing the gift in question in gaudily-coloured paper with whimsical snowmen and reindeer with a serious case of sinusitis.

The scene of any gift-unwrapping ceremony that I have attended was concurrently attended by what I like to refer to as the “Magic Garbage Bag of Yule”. Its sole purpose is to collect the unnecessary paper waste produced by gift-giving and streamlining its trip to the city dump.

With this in mind, a radical proposal is in order: from now on, I'm not wrapping a single gift. If you receive a gift from me (which is admittedly unlikely), I will simply hand it to you. Done. Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah. Next.

I just saved my giftee three minutes of struggling with bows, ribbons, taped boxes, and people impatiently staring them down as they wait for their turn to unwrap. That's two gifts for the price of one. You're welcome.

And since I'm not buying wrapping paper or gift bags or tissue paper or whatever it is these days people use in their ephemeral box-sculptures, I can roll that saved money into the actual gift being bought. Clever!

Now a lot of people will look at this proposal and accuse me of either not being in the Christmas spirit, or being eco-friendly. Some in the eco-friendly camp will even accuse me of not being in the Christmas spirit.

In reality, neither viewpoint is accurate. As a minimalist, I seek out ways to refine my behavior in such a way that I exert less time, money and effort into everything I do. As un-American as that may seem, that involves buying fewer things than the average citizen, and generally results in my stress level being far lower than average. My motivation as a minimalist has nothing to do with our precious mother earth. Going to The Dump for a roll of wrapping paper, scotch tape, and a to/from placard takes a big bite out of my nap time.

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